How to overcome “Mom Guilt” (or “Dad Guilt”) and help your child!

When we first find out that we are going to be parents, we all dream of who our child will look like, how their little voices will sound when they talk and sing, what career path they may choose as an adult………and much, much more.

But, NOTHING prepares us for when we are told, “Your child is not meeting the developmental milestones” or we realize our child is “different”. Nor are we ever prepared to be hit square between the eyes daily when our friend’s 3 year old is talking non-stop and our 3 year old has not said his first words.

We grieve our lost dreams, get angry because it’s NOT FAIR. We wonder why there are some really bad parents out there who could care less about appropriate bedtime routines, eating veggies and fruit with their meals and getting enough reading and smaller doses of screen time and yet THEY get the “normal”, walking, talking, healthy child.

And it sucks that most people think that it must be something WE, their parents, have done.

Many people judge us when we are out in public at the grocery store or a restaurant, staring as our child has a 20-minute meltdown. Some well-meaning adults even give unsolicited advice which often includes saying things like, “you just need to spank him more”.

But to all those people I say, you haven’t lived THIS life. They have NO FREAKING IDEA!!!

They don’t stay up late at night researching for the millionth time ways to help your child have just have ONE “normal” toddler day. Or, crying their selves to sleep every night not knowing what to do next and begging God to just fix it all somehow.

As a parent of a child with special needs, we can feel like we are never doing enough or doing anything right, because if we were then wouldn’t our child be like everyone else’s, talking, walking, sleeping more than 2 hours at a time, playing appropriately with other children, learning, growing, and excelling? We carry a tremendous amount of GUILT with us every day!

Well, Mom (or dad) of that beautifully, unique, special child, I am here to tell you, it’s going to be OK and feeling this type of guilt is perfectly normal. Going through every stage of the grieving process is also normal.

But, there ARE things you CAN do to help!

Here are just a few ways to not only cope with parenting but to overcome the guilt that plaques you daily and to take steps in the right direction to finally get the help that you and your child need:

1. Remember, you are not to “blame” but you ARE the “solution”…..and your child’s BEST advocate! Your whole-hearted commitment and determination to advocate for your child is what will make all the difference.

2. Ignore the chatter……..and ignore all the social media crap that makes you compare you and your child to others!

3. When making changes, start small……and work from there (it’s better for your child AND you!)

4. Don’t procrastinate hoping they will “grow out of it”.

5. Gather around those who can support you (and your child……there are more of us out there than you realize).You are not alone. As humans, we need connection, and that includes your child. Don’t isolate! Consider a support group or counseling.

6. Include time for self-care (you can’t help your child while running on empty trying to be the perfect parent and measure up to others’ expectations)

7. Enjoy and celebrate EVERY little victory. This will keep you motivated, and it reinforces those “wins” with your child, building confidence and feelings of love and acceptance)

8. Remember, what is easiest is not always best! Accept the fact that parenting is hard. And, parenting a child with special needs is even harder!

9. Seek EXPERT advice (and just because you googled it and it worked for someone else doesn’t mean it’s right for YOUR child). Your child is unique with needs like no other child. Their underlying causes will also be unique. Some parenting courses may help. Some have great ideas but most are a “one size fits all” approach. Choose an expert who will find the underlying causes, create an individualized plan based on your child and work with you, coaching with compassion and commitment.

*I’d love to be that expert help for you! Go to DynamicInstruction.com and schedule a consultation today. You can find out more about how I have helped hundreds of children and their families around the world, and how I can help you also!!

So………..let go of the guilt and with all the love, support, compassion, and dedication, you have, connect with your child, loving them for the incredible little human being they are now………And, take the next steps to finally getting the help you both deserve!

This is YOUR journey and only YOU can live it. Hold on and enjoy the ride…..every dang inch of it!

Schedule a consultation today at www.dynamicinstruction.com or go to www.TalkWithTrina.com